Weekly THIS AND THAT for April 13, 2008: Back from the Monastery

This and That:
Back from the Monastery


If I had to summarize what my stay at Mepkin Abbey in South Carolina these past 3-months has been it would be: “A journey into self.” After all, an environment consisting solely of a 90-day daily routine of no talking, light eating, no meat, prayer, spiritual reading, and manual labor will create the conditions for such a journey; what else is there to do?

So what did I find along the way of this “journey”? Let me begin by saying it wasn’t an easy journey like getting into a car and driving to grandma’s house a half-hour away. Nor was it a journey to a more distant city like New York or Montreal. I really didn’t know where I was going nor did I have any sort of a roadmap. All I knew was that I was going to a Cistercian monastery (the monks prefer “Cistercian” to their popular name “Trappist”) as a way of satisfying a desire I have to be closer to God through prayer. I know this because prayer, for many years now, has been the most exciting, life-giving thing of all my activities. (By way of information, preaching is second, and giving talks is third, cooking is fourth, exercising is fifth … but I’m digressing.)

I also went with three areas I wanted to address over the course of the three months: (1) In January “A Review of My Life,” (2) In February decide “What I Would Like to Do Next in Ministry” beginning June 2010, and (3) In March “Prepare to Pass over to the Other Side of Life”. Each Friday evening for the hour between Vespers (Evening Prayer) and Compline (Night Prayer) I met with my Spiritual Director, Father Guerric, and the agenda was basically the same: What was your high point this week? What was your low point? Do you have any questions arising about life here in the monastery? and my week’s prayer and reflection on the “question of the month.” I might add that I kept a journal the entire time – a sort of “Mepkin Chronicle” – that is 215 typewritten pages long so I would say my journey is well documented.

To put some flesh on the bones, I wanted to share at least one of the many insights regarding each of the questions. From “A Review of My Life” I came to realize that from my earliest days as a child I have enjoyed solitude. At the time I didn’t know it was prayer that I was really desiring, since we were not a family that attended church or religious education. I know if I had had some content and worship my journey may have gotten me to my destination quicker. (A note to parents with young children.) A love for solitude perhaps sounds strange, given my nature, but it was a fact that I unearthed through some wonderful techniques I learned about journaling to get to deeper levels within myself.

From “What I Would Like to Do Next in Ministry” I learned that in order to discern God’s will more clearly, what I eventually will do needs to grow out of my talents and gifts and where they can best be utilized. It is looking like the journey is leading toward parish weekend work, giving retreats and days of recollection, and possibly spiritual direction.

Finally, “Prepare to Pass over to the Other Side of Life” helped me realize my own level of readiness when I might hear the dreaded words about my own death. The example I used was, “Father Nicholas, I am sorry to have to tell you this, but you have advanced stages of inoperable prostate cancer.” (This was more an exercise and not a fact, for I am in excellent health at the moment.) I reflected on the stages we will all go through in such cases, the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. In the end, from my pages and pages of reflection and processing them all with my spiritual director, I believe I was ready to be with the Lord.

Overall, the journey was filled with some marvelous moments of union with God in prayer as well as many lackluster hours where the experience was simply sitting patiently and being present as best I could. There were lots of new insights into who I am and what makes me tick. (Some I liked; some I didn’t, but the truth is the truth.) I learned the Cistercian way to “quiet the mind” so the Lord can speak and I came to understand their “Ladder to Humility,” and the “Three Denunciations” necessary for anyone to have prayer be more fruitful. These are all topics I am exploring as future talks for Our Lady of Grace.

My seminary years and priestly life have exposed me to wonderful schools of spirituality such as Carmelite (St. Theresa of Avila, St. John of the Cross), Franciscan (St. Francis of Assisi, St. Clare), and Jesuit (St. Ignatius of Loyola, Fr. Anthony DeMello), but I had never known much about Cistercian Spirituality. This school is derived from the Desert Fathers of Egypt from the 3rd century, through St. John Cassian and St. Benedict. (Cistercians began in the 12th century and trace their roots to St. Benedict.) Cistercian Spirituality has a more monastic, contemplative flavor, where solitude and a common ascetical lifestyle are stressed.

As I mentioned at the Masses last weekend, the most difficult thing during the three months was not being silent. (I know that’s hard to imagine!) Nor was it the fasting and abstinence from meat that the monks practice every day. And it wasn’t getting up at 2:45am and going to bed at 8:00pm or praying a total of 7 hours a day. The most difficult thing, honestly, was the manual labor which included: clearing fields of debris that had been dumped in a section of the 3,000 acres before the monastery received the property as a gift from Henry and Clare Booth Luce, working in the hen houses picking eggs from 25,000 chickens, working in the grading house, where the eggs were washed and packaged for market.

The thing I missed most – and this may bear repeating as well – was gathering you together as your pastor to worship. Remember, a monastic community is a group of 30 men coming together to worship; 15 men facing 15 men in church, choir style. It’s very different from gathering families and children and all the rough edges that make your lives as families so real. And while Our Lady of Grace on a Sunday morning may feel more like real life, my experience at the monastery did something to my prayer life that I want to keep and share and live out of each day. The key for me will be to take that prayer life and fit it into the life of our faith family.

I thank you for all your prayers and kind words upon my return. I remain grateful to Sr. Mary Therese who served as our Interim Pastor and to Elaine Hagner, who remained at the helm in terms of Parish Administration. Without their gift of themselves I could never have done this. God bless us all. It’s good to be home.

Love,
Father Nicholas

PS. I am preparing a presentation to share in church after Masses on the weekend of April 19-20th. It will include photos and video clips of the “journey” with time for Q/A. It should last a half-hour and I will pitch it to youth as well, so you can come as a family.