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Feast of
the Holy Family, Cycle B
Church
of the Nativity
December
31, 2017
The
Magic Word for Becoming a Holy Family: R-E-L-A-T-E
By Nicholas
Amato
The Holy Family and Our Family
Today is the Feast
of the Holy Family, and it’s easy to dismiss it as referring only to the family
of Jesus, Mary and Joseph and having little to do with our family.
But that is not the
case. Today we’re talking about your family and my family and the relationships
of spouses with each other and with their children.
Like our families,
the holy family had its high points and low points.
To be sure there
were:
Ø The normal misunderstandings that are crop up between spouses
Ø The hopes and dreams for an infant as he’s brought to the house of
God to be blessed
Ø A teen’s getting lost and his strange response to his parents of
“Having to be about his father’s business”
Ø And leaving home to pursue a career that parents do not
understand.
And those are only
the challenges we hear about in the scriptures! Yes, the Holy Family had its ups
and down as do our own families.
As I thought and
prayed over the scriptural accounts of the holy family, a pattern of how
parents and children might treat each other to become more holy — if you will —
more like the holy family, began to emerge.
The efforts we might
make to mirror the growth and holiness of Jesus, Mary and Joseph and their life
together, became clear.
What I came up with
is the acronym RELATE: R – E – L – A – T
– E with each letter calling to mind a concrete effort I could make beginning
today to deepen the love and holiness in my very own home with my very own
family.
The letters in the
acronym stand for action words of: Respect, Express, Listen, Apologize, Thank,
and Eat. So, RELATE – a good word for the
holy family; a good word for our family as well.
R = Respect
Let the R stands for Respect.
The idea here is to
accept one another as we are. This means
that we appreciate mom for the great meatloaf, brown gravy and mashed potatoes she
prepared or affirm a middle schooler for his computer skills.
Respect means that we
are sensitive to parents who feel stressed with their jobs or teens who feel
the need to push back on in some areas of life together. And it means that we do our share of the responsibilities,
like cleaning the bathroom or the kitchen for the good of all who live in our
home.
E = Express
So, Respect, and then the first E in the word Relate
stands for Express.
Here the word
doesn’t mean an express line at the supermarket, but rather the important
action of expressing ourselves to other family members.
So, we express our
ideas or our feelings about things – our country’s immigration policies, our
school’s dress code, whatever it is, and, of course, we express ourselves
respectfully.
We do this because
it makes our home a safe place for our family members to get to know who we are
and creates the opportunity for closeness.
And we also do it because we can be enriched by hearing what others have
to say about what we have said.
L = Listen
And “express” flows right into the next letter: L which stands
for Listen.
Listen to one
another. Really make an effort to take
in not just the words I’m hearing, but the passion or excitement,
disappointment or fear that is underneath the words.
It is really giving
of yourself to a parent or child, a brother or sister, a grandparent who is
speaking.
And by all means, hear
them out. Do not interrupt them, though you’re tempted to do so.
A = Apologize
From “Listen” we move to the A in the word Relate. It stands
for Apologize.
While the verb
Apologize is not rocket science, yet, it still may not be easy to do. When children have talked back their parents,
when a parent makes a sarcastic remark about somebody forgetting to get milk at
the store, we need to apologize.
The insight here is
that when I say, “I’m sorry,” it doesn’t diminish me or make me less of a
person. It actually enlarges me and
makes me a bigger, nobler person.
T = Thank
So, Apologize, and then the T stands for Thank.
Here I am thinking
of the importance of thanking God. And
I’d expand that thanking to thanking God together as a family, whether there
are two or five of us at the table or starting out in the car or wherever.
Even though there
may be different religious traditions among those in the same household, we can
still offer a simple prayer or word of thanks for someone or something. It is a good practice to do this right before
having dinner and that takes me to the last letter of our word.
E = Eat
This second E stands for Eat.
There are a number
of studies that demonstrate the value of families eating or dinner together.
In fact, the
incidence of certain issues – like teens getting into drinking and drugs – is
significantly less in families that eat dinner together three or more times a
week. Imagine that!
And this “eating” means
no texting or watching TV. Instead, it
means that we are using the meal as a way to be together and to value one
another, yes, a way to Relate to one another.
Conclusion
So there you have it — RELATE: Respect, Express, Listen,
Apologize, Thank, and Eat.
They are my
suggestions for responding to the 2nd reading to, “Put on, as God's chosen
ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness,
and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another.
The acronym RELATE
may just hold the key for making your family a more holy family in this new
year!
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