PODCAST - Press sideways triangle below to
listen
24th Sunday
in Ordinary Time, Cycle A
St. Mark Church,
Fallston
September 17, 2017
The Road to Effective Forgiveness
By (Rev. Msgr.) Nicholas P. Amato
Forgive
This morning, the
message is about forgiveness.
I suppose that’s
pretty obvious after listening to the gospel.
Jesus says that we are to forgive “seventy times seven times.”
Let’s hope no one
would need to be forgiven that often! Actually,
Jesus doesn’t mean 70x7=490. He’s using hyperbole or exaggeration here.
His deeper point is
that we are to develop a forgiving spirit within ourselves and then live out of
that. At some time or another, each of
us will be in the position of having to decide to forgive or not forgive
someone.
So, this morning I first
want to mention three things that forgiving is not. And then I to identify three steps that are
involved in the process – and yes, forgiving is a process – three steps that
are involved in the process of forgiving.
Those three steps
could help us in being more forgiving.
Forgiving
Is Not…
First, forgiving does not mean that we deny our feelings.
It doesn’t mean that we pretend that we are
not hurt. Admitting that we are hurt or
offended is, in fact, a good and healthy thing to do.
Second, forgiving does not mean forgetting.
It’s almost impossible to forget what has
happened, even if we want to. We cannot
expect ourselves or others to simply forget the event.
And third, forgiving does not necessarily mean that we resume a relationship.
Sometimes, maybe often reconciliation will be
possible and that is great. But
sometimes reconciliation is not possible or wise or for that matter appropriate.
So, forgiving does not mean 1) denying our feelings, 2) forgetting, and 3)
necessarily resuming or reconciling a relationship.
Forgiving
Is
Now let’s look at three steps or activities that
are involved in forgiving.
1.
Review
First, we need to review what happened.
Review in your mind what the other person did
or said. Try to remember it in detail.
As you do this, get in touch with your feelings. How did you feel as it happened, and right
after it happened, and how do you feel about it or about him or her right now?
And, as part of this review, we are to look at
ourselves as well. As the old saying
goes, “It takes two to tango” or “There are always two sides to an argument.”
So, did I say or do something to trigger
this? Is there some way, maybe something
minor or subtle, but some way that I contributed to the problem or its
escalation?
2.
Humanize
So, (1) review what happened, and then, (2) humanize the offender.
Try to separate the hurtful word or action
from the person who did it. And then,
try to walk in that person’s shoes for just a bit.
What might she have been experiencing within
herself? What kind of day or week might
she have had?
Or, what kind of family or home life did he
have when he was a child and a teen?
What woundedness might he be carrying around inside himself?
This can be a very challenging part of the
process that we may not want to do, but try to humanize the offender. Step back from the hurt for a moment (gesture) and allow some empathy to
enter the process (gesture.)
3.
Choose
And then the third step or activity is to choose to forgive.
We may still feel resentful, angry or
vengeful. But even with all of that, we
still have a choice. Yes, we can choose to let go (gesture) of it.
Not to let go hurts us as much or even more
than it hurts the other person. The
Buddhists have a saying that expresses this well.
They say that holding on to resentment is like
picking up a hot coal in our hand with the intention of throwing it at the
person who offended us (gesture.) So, clearly, choosing to let go is in the end
very important for us. It is also good for the other person.
Eventually, when you are ready and able to do
this, you may try to talk with the other person. This is not always possible, but when it is,
it gives life to the forgiveness and makes it very real.
Conclusion
At some time, perhaps today, each of us has to
choose to forgive or not forgive someone. It may be a parent, a spouse, a son
or daughter, a sibling, a friend, a neighbor, an employer, a priest, and on it
goes.
These three activities — Review, Humanize, Choose — will help us respond more effectively
to Jesus’ call to forgive.
No comments:
Post a Comment