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23rd
Sunday in Ordinary Time, Cycle A
Terranova
September
10, 2017
Guidelines for Healing
Rifts
By (Rev. Msgr.)
Nicholas P. Amato
An
Intervention?
Several years ago, I
was told about an incident between a father and his teenage son.
This father discovered
a half-empty bottle of wine in his son’s bedroom and quickly reacted: “How did this get here?” The son mumbled: “I don’t know.”
The father got angrier:
“I’ll give you one minute to come up with
a better answer than that.” The son:
“It belongs to a friend of mine.”
The father: “Do you expect me to believe that?” Immediately the son walked out of the house
and slammed the door behind him.
Things got worse, and
eventually the father called the counselor at his son’s high school. The counselor first asked the father why he
was so concerned about the wine and he replied, “I don’t want him to get into trouble.”
The counselor then
asked the father why he didn’t want his son to get into trouble. The father answered that he didn’t want his
son to get into legal trouble or to get addicted to alcohol and ruin his
future.
Again, the counselor
pushed the father about why he was so concerned. Finally, he responded, “I love my son and I want the best for him.”
And to that the
counselor asked, “Do you think that your
son got that message?” And after a
minute, the father sadly replied “I guess
not!”
Principles
for Intervening
That incident helps us to appreciate today’s
Scripture readings.
The passages call us to address situations
where someone is doing something wrong, harmful, or offensive. They give three principles to guide us in
responding.
First
Principle: Motives
First, we need to make sure that our motives are
pure.
We need to be careful that we are not trying
to put others down or get back at them. Our
motive needs to be the well-being of the other person, like that father for his
son, or reconciliation with the other person, like talking with your husband or
wife about a problem between the two of you.
Today Saint Paul says whatever we do needs to
be grounded in love. That is challenging
when we are intervening with someone because of a problem –making sure we are
grounded in caring for the other person.
I think this means things like asking more
than accusing, speaking quietly rather than loudly, and seeking agreement
rather than argument. We need to be pure
in our motives.
Second
Principle: Who
The second principle for addressing something
that is wrong, harmful, or offensive is that we need to deal with the issue
one-on-one.
This is the most respectful and least confrontational
way of proceeding. It minimizes
defensiveness.
If this does not work, then we can bring in a
third party. And a third party can be a
family member, a friend, a counselor, or a priest.
But still, the goal must be pure. We want to respectfully persuade the other
person that they are going in the wrong direction or to help reconcile two
people.
Third
Principle: Commitment
The third and final principle is that we hang
in there and never give up on the other person.
In the Gospel, Jesus says that if a person will
not listen to third parties, then “treat
them as you would a tax collector or gentile.” We’ve go to be very careful how we interpret
this.
Jesus does not exclude, excommunicate, or
refuse to have anything to do with gentiles or tax collectors. On the contrary, he makes a point of hanging
out with them and and even having lunch and dinner with them.
Now, no question, that with children and youth
we need to provide direction and rules.
And no question, in the case of abuse or things like that, we have to
protect others and ourselves.
But in general, the direction that the Gospel offers
is to respect freedom and allow space for the other person to have a change of
heart. Our goal is to help others to
grow and be reconciled, not to put them down or beat them up or kick them out.
Conclusion
So, the Scripture today leaves us with some very
practical guidelines for how to proceed in these real-life situations. The can be very helpful for us.
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