Summer
Snippets: The Ice Cream Wars
Growing up as children we called
them the “Ice Cream Wars.” They took place after we had eaten our supper and my
mother, on one or two nights a week, would have ice cream for dessert. Most evenings
we had fruit and on Sundays dessert was special: cheesecake from the Custom
Bakers in Island Park Long Island, NY.
Each ice cream war would begin the
same way, “Paul, I have ice cream
tonight. Which would you like, vanilla or chocolate.” “Whatever you have,
Mary,” would come the quick response. “I
have both, which would you like?” “It
doesn’t matter, Mary.” “You’re eating it, Paul, which would you like?” “Whatever
is easier for you.” “They are both in the freezer, Paul, which would you like?”
The exchanges became increasingly charged with emotion, hand
gesticulations, and voice volume. It wasn’t until years later that I referred
back to the weekly displays and asked my father why he just didn’t give in and
say vanilla whether he liked it or not. His response? “Because it really didn’t matter.” He was just happy and grateful
to have the ice cream.
We’re not used to things not
mattering. Folks always seem to have preferences and today’s marketing
techniques really capitalize on that desire. So what do you get? Try going
through the 30 varieties Crest toothpaste and deciding on a single tube to
purchase!
St. Ignatius would have loved my
father for the saint speaks of a “holy indifference” – not having a preference
for one thing or another – when trying to discern God’s will for us. By
indifference Ignatius doesn’t mean disinterest. He means being as free as
possible by giving up any preference, so God can show me what he has in mind
for me. It clears the chatter and considerations from my mind and opens up
space to have God “speak.”
What Ignatius meant by indifference
was freedom. It is the freedom to approach alternatives for each decision I
make with openness, freshness, and freedom. It is the ability to be detached
from my own initial biases and to step back. It’s the willingness to carefully
balance all the alternatives God may want to set before me. In no way does it
mean unconcerned or unimportant. It implies interior freedom.
Every big decision we make carries
some baggage with it. Questions like “Should
I change my job?” or “Should I take
this course?” or “Should we buy a new
car?” will have beneath them individuals or circumstances pressuring us one
way or the other. Ignatius simply asks us to begin the process of knowing God’s
will for us by having a sense of holy indifference so the space for clear
thinking and discerning can be created.
Ignatius used a famous image to
make his point. Remember the old metal scales that hung in butcher shops? The
butcher would put the meat on a sheet of butcher paper and into the large pan
and the pointer on the dial pointed straight up to zero when the scale was
empty and at rest. There was nothing weighing on either side. Ignatius says
that when we trying to make a decision, we should be like the metal pointer,
not leaning to the left or to the right of the zero. You don’t want to model
the unscrupulous butcher who sticks his thumb on the scale to increase the
weight so you pay more for the pot roast. Beginning by assuming that you should
go one way or the other could unwittingly cheat yourself out of a good choice.
I
began and I end with my father and the Ice Cream Wars. Because he was open to
whatever my mother would give him, he would often be surprised to find that she
had some strawberry left in the back of the freezer. Whether it’s ice cream or
more important decisions before us, try to be as free as possible in
approaching the alternatives so God may urge, disclose, or draw you to an
alternative you had not previously considered. Holy indifference is the result
of God’s grace in us and it is there for the asking.
Fondly,
Father Nicholas
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