FUNERAL Mass for September 17, 2010: Death, the Ultimate Act of Giving Oneself

Funeral Mass for Douglas Flemming
Shrine of the Sacred Heart
September 17, 2010

Death, the Ultimate Act of Giving Oneself
By (Rev. Msgr.) Nicholas P. Amato


CONDOLENCES

To his daughters Leslie and Laurie and their husbands Tom and Bob,

To his grandchildren Rachael and Christen and her husband Zach, and Ian and Andrew,

To his great granddaughter Zoe, we offer you our heartfelt condolences over the death of your father, grandfather, and great grandfather.

When I asked Laurie to whom should I offer condolences this morning, she quickly responded, “Everyone in the church; he had a bazillion friends.”

As we talked earlier in the week about Douglas’ life, I began to see why. So I extend to each of you our heartfelt condolences over your loss.


THE TWO "FALLINGS TO THE GROUND"

In today’s gospel, which the family chose, Jesus sums up (1) The secret of living and (2) The secret of dying and Douglass’ life confirms that reality in his own living and dying.

In the gospel Jesus’ words are simple enough to understand; it’s only when you see them lived out in the life of someone you love, that they reveal several mysteries.

To reiterate Jesus’ words, “I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat; but if it dies, it produces much fruit.”

It would appear that the grain of wheat can fall to the ground and (1) Either be crushed by the millstone and made into flour or (2) It can fall to the ground and be planted in the earth to give birth to new life.

In either “falling,” there is a kind of dying of the seed to itself.

In the first instance, it is ground into flour, baked into bread and becomes a source of life to others. In the second, it is planted and becomes many new grains.

I would like to suggest that Douglas’ life, as I heard it described to me, contained both of those “fallings to the ground.” (1) He nourished people in his living and I would hold that (2) He has nourished people in his dying.

A word on each reality.


WHEAT BECOMING BREAD

Douglas’ living as a husband, father, and grandfather was one of nurturing and feeding of others.

He was raised an Episcopalian and was very faithful to living a life committed to the Lord. In 1990 he was brought into full communion with the Catholic Church and his faith continued to grow through his regular reception of the Eucharist and attentiveness to Scripture.

I would say that he lived life with gusto and a sense of celebration. To have him dancing on a table with a lampshade on his head was not too far fetched a reality.

He loved ballroom dancing, the company of friends, trips, cruises, and socials – he thrived on them and through them gave life to others.

To use Jesus’ analogy, the secret of a good life is: “Falling to the ground, being milled into flour and baked into bread for others.” Such feeding of others fulfills our deepest desire to give of ourselves.


WHEAT BECOMING A NEW HARVEST

The second way wheat can die is to be buried in the earth.

If our deepest human desire is to give ourselves to others in our living, then we can make our death into a final gift. As a man of faith, I believe that is what Douglas was able to do.

From Jesus, we know that the love between two people is stronger than death and that death has the potential to deepen and strengthen that bond of love.

Remember, it was only after Jesus had died that his disciples were able to grasp what he really meant to them. And isn’t that true for all who die in love?

For it is only when we have died, that our spirits can completely reveal themselves to our loved ones.

The needs and wounds that have kept our spirits captive no longer inhibit us from giving our full selves to those he love.

Douglas knew he was dying as a result of his pancreatic cancer and heart attacks, but his faith convinced him that he was going on to something greater.

At the age of 83 and after 8 weeks of hospitals and rehabilitation he finally arrived at Stella Maris where he really wanted to be. He thanked Laurie for getting him there.

What is very significant is what he said to the nurse when he arrived at the facility: “I’m ready to die, just give me something to not make me nervous.”

And it was after only one day there that at 6:30 Saturday evening he gave up his spirit to pass quietly over to the other side of life.

And now he free of all the encumbrances of his body, free in choosing to die, he can now send you his loved ones his spirit, and you can live in a new communion with him.


CONCLUSION

Douglas’ legacy to us all is clear: we are called to give ourselves, not only in life, but in death as well.

And it is in our dying that we are called to make our greatest gift to God and to those we love.

You are all the recipients of his spirit.