Weekly THIS AND THAT for May 6, 2007: How Do You Know You're Italian?

This and That:
How do you know you’re Italian?

Very often when my brother or sister and I talk long distance we remember the old days of growing up in Brooklyn, New York. Many times we will laugh over things Italian that we recall, being first generation children. The following are items over which we have had more than a few laughs.

Fondly,
Father Nick Amato

➢ You have at least one relative who wore a black dress every day for an entire year after a funeral.
➢ You spent your entire childhood thinking what you ate for lunch was pronounced “sangwich.”
➢ Your family dog understood Italian.
➢ Every Sunday afternoon of your childhood was spent visiting your grandparents and extended family.
➢ You’ve experienced the phenomena of 150 people fitting into 50 square feet of yard during a family cookout.
➢ You were surprised to discover the FDA recommends you eat three meals a day, not seven.
➢ You thought killing the pig each year and having salami, capacollo, pancetta and prosciutto hanging out to dry from your shed ceiling was absolutely normal. (That’s really Italian!)
➢ You ate pasta for dinner at least three times a week, and every Sunday, and laughed at the commercial for Wednesday is Prince Spaghetti day.
➢ You grew up thinking no fruit or vegetable had a fixed price and that the price of everything was negotiable through haggling.
➢ You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven.
➢ You thought everyone’s last name ended in a vowel.
➢ You thought nylons were supposed to be worn rolled to the ankles.
➢ Your mom’s main hobby is cleaning.
➢ You were surprised to find out that wine was actually sold in stores.
➢ You thought that everyone made their own tomato sauce.
➢ You never ate meat on Christmas Eve or any Friday for that matter.
➢ You ate your salad after the main course.\
➢ You thought Catholic was the only religion in the world.
➢ You were beaten at least once with a wooden spoon or broom.
➢ You thought every meal had to be eaten with a hunk of bread in your hand.
➢ You can understand Italian but you can’t speak it.
➢ You have at least one relative who came over on the boat.
➢ All of your uncles fought in a World War.
➢ You have at least six male relatives named Tony, Frank, Joe or Louie.
➢ You have relatives who aren’t really your relatives.
➢ You have relatives you don’t speak to.
➢ You drank wine before you were a teenager.
➢ You grew up in a house with a yard that didn’t have one patch of dirt that didn’t have a flower or a vegetable growing out of it.
➢ Your grandparent’s furniture was as comfortable as sitting on plastic. Wait a minute! You were sitting on plastic.
➢ You thought that talking loud was normal.
➢ You thought sugared almonds and the Tarantella were common at all weddings.
➢ You thought everyone got pinched on the cheeks and money stuffed in their pockets by their relatives.
➢ Your mother is overly protective of the males in the family no matter what their age.
➢ There was a crucifix in every room of the house.
➢ Wakes would be held in someone’s living room.
➢ You couldn’t date a boy without getting approval from your father and he had to be Italian.
➢ You called pasta “macaroni.”
➢ You dreaded taking out your lunch at school.
➢ Going out for a cup of coffee usually meant going out for a cup of coffee over Zia’s house.
➢ Every condition, ailment, misfortune, memory loss and accident was attributed to the fact that you didn’t eat something.