27th Sunday of Ordinary Time, Cycle A
John Carroll High School
October 2, 2011
Parables: Stories with a Punch
By (Rev. Msgr.) Nicholas P. Amato
MELROSE SUSPENSION BRIDGE
In upstate New York, the 800-foot Melrose Suspension Bridge spans the Niagara River and connects Canada and the United States.
There is an interesting story about the way the bridge was built.
In 1848 Charles Ellet, Jr., a contractor, first flew a kite across the river. Attached to the kite was a piece of string. Attached to the string was a rope. Attached to the rope was a steel cable.
The steel cable was then anchored and used to get the steel girders across span and thus the bridge was built.
This story of the construction of the Melrose Suspension Bridge is what I’d like to call a modern day parable and, in a creative way, it illustrates many points:
o The kite string eventually connecting to steel girders → shows how great things often have humble beginnings
o The creative use of a kite → demonstrates how a seemingly insignificant thing can have great results
o Or moving from string to rope to cable to girder → shows how teamwork and the use of materials of increasing strength can span great distances
Parables – very powerful for teaching lessons, and long after you’ve forgotten who I am, you’ll remember the kite and the bridge over the Niagara River!
Jesus also knows the power of parables and he uses them to get peoples’ attention, indeed to startle or surprise them, and most importantly, to challenge them.
MIRROR PARABLES
Frequently, the Gospel reading at Mass consists of a parable. Today, for example, we hear the Parable of the Tenants and the Vineyard. It is classified as a “mirror parable.”
Such parables act like a verbal mirror. They are told in such a way that the hearer begins to say, “Who’s he talking about?” And like looking in a mirror, we are able to see something of ourselves in the story.
This story of the vineyard is a good example of a mirror parable. The tenants of the vineyard reject each of the servants sent by the owner to collect his share of the grapes. They finally even kill the owner’s son when he sends him.
There’s a real shift in the story when Jesus asks his hearers, “What will the owner of the vineyard do to those tenants when he comes?”
Remember their response? “He will put those wretched men to a wretched death and lease his vineyard to other tenants who will give him the produce at the proper times.”
Jesus’ hearers don’t mind the story, until they begin to realize that the tenants represent themselves, the religious leaders. The servants represent the prophets and the owner’s son represents the very person, Jesus, who’s telling the parable.
“Yikes! He’s talking about us” they realize! And they’ve incriminated themselves with their very own words!
Yes, parables are very powerful stories for teaching important lessons.
APPLICATION
Well, it’s application time, Friends, and I would say that either the parable of the Melrose Suspension Bridge or that of the Vineyard would fit you, the graduates of John Carroll High School, on this occasion, your first Alumni Weekend.
If the Bridge strikes your fancy:
o You need to know that the humble beginnings of John Carroll High School have produced ____ of you graduates, men and women who have gone on to make an impact in our community and beyond.
o Like the bridge’s string, cord, steel, girders – simple beginnings with great results
o Imagine all the creative uses your minds have made of ordinary opportunities
o Now not with kites, but with simple resources used in creative ways, like an annual alumni weekend such as you’re celebrating this weekend
o Networking among each other, staying in contact with the School, volunteering, making a financial gift – all contribute to the building up of the school
o It’s the moving from string to rope to cable to girder and how teamwork and the use of materials of increasing strength can achieve great results
On the other hand, if the Vineyard got more of your attention, then:
o Your vineyard is the four years you spent here
o Your vineyard is the value-based education you received
o Your vineyard is the faith in Jesus Christ that was nourished in your high school days
And Jesus would remind you, that you’re the tenant, the holder of these precious gifts and, of course, how have you tended them, grown them, brought them to fruition are the questions he puts to you
So, where are you with:
o Talking up the school?
o Sending your children here?
o Celebrating annual reunions?
o Living out the faith you had nurtured here?
o Financial Support?
o Serving when asked to volunteer?
CONCLUSION
The suspension bridge and the vineyard are not harmless children’s stories.
They are told that we might realize
o Not only that are they addressed to us
o But that they are challenging us to live out our beliefs and values as graduates of John Carroll
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Weekly HOMILY for September 25,2011: Two Sons and Doing the Father's Will
26th Sunday in Ordinary Time, Cycle A
St. Clement, Lansdowne, St. Mark, Fallston
September 25, 2011
Two Sons and Doing the Father’s Will
By (Rev. Msgr.) Nicholas P. Amato
THE POWER OF "NO" AS CHILDREN
It begins very early in our lives: “Eat all your vegetables.” “No!” “Clean up your room” “No!” “Do your chores.” “No!” Sound familiar? The use of the word “No!” is in full swing by the time we’re toddlers.
Thank God we eventually mend our ways and begin making the right choices and saying “Yes” to what needs to be done … or do we?
The ability to say “No” to lots of things that are actually good for us does have value. Saying no is:
(1) A way of taking a stand, of distancing myself from someone.
(2) It’s using the freedom we have to oppose something we don’t want to consider.
(3) Very often it opens up some psychological space to look things over and ask, “Is this really the stand I wanted to take? Is this really who I am?”
(4) Most of all “No!” opens up a space in which God can touch my heart and change my mind.
That attitude of saying no, and the space that opens up because of it, doesn’t stop with childhood, but continues each day and even into the present.
JESUS' USE OF THE STORY OF THE SONS
Jesus takes up this very human journey of saying-no-and-then-saying-yes, on the one hand, and saying yes-and-then-acting-no on the other in his story of the two sons.
Let’s situate his telling of the story. When Jesus first shares this parable, he does so within the context of a controversy he’s having with the chief priests and elders.
These priests and elders had assumed that their being right with God had earned them entrance into God’s kingdom. These had also assumed that the sinfulness of the tax collectors and prostitutes of their day had sealed their fate as being outside the kingdom.
Jesus makes it very clear: the tax-gatherers and the prostitutes are those who said that they would go their own way and then took God’s way (no→yes). The Jewish religious he’s actually talking to are the people who said they would obey God and then did not (yes→no).
The priests and elders had, in all of their assuming, overlooked the possibility of grace to turn lives and situations that seemed hopeless, around. Remember the “space” I spoke about that saying “No!” gives you?
Nevertheless, Jesus brings the chief priests and elders to the point where they have to admit that the son who first said no and then had a change of heart was the one who did what his father wanted.
This admission is a double whammy:
(1) It leaves them to deal with the fact that the tax-gatherers and harlots, whom they despised as beyond salvation, would actually be granted a share in God’s kingdom, and
(2) They who said yes, and didn’t obey the prophets or Jesus, are really the ones on the outside.
WHICH SON? WHAT DAY!
What does this story of the two sons then, have to teach us?
If you’re a bit of the first son, you may have said “No” to God in any number of ways:
➢ “No” to taking quiet time to pray
➢ “No” to regular worship
➢ “No” to caring for those in need
➢ “No” to the common good
➢ “No” to fidelity to my marriage or
➢ Taking the time to show my love for my children.
The space that our “no” produces allows us to be attentive to God’s grace always calling us to greater union with him.
If, on the other hand, you’re a bit of the second son on another day, that is, you’ve said “yes” with your mouth or in your thoughts, then where are the works that manifest your talk or express your thoughts?
From your seat, “just a little higher” than the seats of others, are you inclined to look down on anyone be they divorced and remarried Catholics, those who only attend Mass at Easter and Christmas, immigrants, or racial minorities?
What you don’t get is that before Jesus we’re all equal, all chosen, all redeemed.
CONCLUSION
With the positions of the two sons, we perhaps find ourselves experiencing any day either
➢ An angry defiant stance before God of “no” and reconsider to a “yes”, or
➢ We start out with good intentions and a hearty “yes” and then go astray living out a “no”
Whether we make a negative first response or we fail in our intentions, there is always a way back. Today’s reading gives us hope.
St. Clement, Lansdowne, St. Mark, Fallston
September 25, 2011
Two Sons and Doing the Father’s Will
By (Rev. Msgr.) Nicholas P. Amato
THE POWER OF "NO" AS CHILDREN
It begins very early in our lives: “Eat all your vegetables.” “No!” “Clean up your room” “No!” “Do your chores.” “No!” Sound familiar? The use of the word “No!” is in full swing by the time we’re toddlers.
Thank God we eventually mend our ways and begin making the right choices and saying “Yes” to what needs to be done … or do we?
The ability to say “No” to lots of things that are actually good for us does have value. Saying no is:
(1) A way of taking a stand, of distancing myself from someone.
(2) It’s using the freedom we have to oppose something we don’t want to consider.
(3) Very often it opens up some psychological space to look things over and ask, “Is this really the stand I wanted to take? Is this really who I am?”
(4) Most of all “No!” opens up a space in which God can touch my heart and change my mind.
That attitude of saying no, and the space that opens up because of it, doesn’t stop with childhood, but continues each day and even into the present.
JESUS' USE OF THE STORY OF THE SONS
Jesus takes up this very human journey of saying-no-and-then-saying-yes, on the one hand, and saying yes-and-then-acting-no on the other in his story of the two sons.
Let’s situate his telling of the story. When Jesus first shares this parable, he does so within the context of a controversy he’s having with the chief priests and elders.
These priests and elders had assumed that their being right with God had earned them entrance into God’s kingdom. These had also assumed that the sinfulness of the tax collectors and prostitutes of their day had sealed their fate as being outside the kingdom.
Jesus makes it very clear: the tax-gatherers and the prostitutes are those who said that they would go their own way and then took God’s way (no→yes). The Jewish religious he’s actually talking to are the people who said they would obey God and then did not (yes→no).
The priests and elders had, in all of their assuming, overlooked the possibility of grace to turn lives and situations that seemed hopeless, around. Remember the “space” I spoke about that saying “No!” gives you?
Nevertheless, Jesus brings the chief priests and elders to the point where they have to admit that the son who first said no and then had a change of heart was the one who did what his father wanted.
This admission is a double whammy:
(1) It leaves them to deal with the fact that the tax-gatherers and harlots, whom they despised as beyond salvation, would actually be granted a share in God’s kingdom, and
(2) They who said yes, and didn’t obey the prophets or Jesus, are really the ones on the outside.
WHICH SON? WHAT DAY!
What does this story of the two sons then, have to teach us?
If you’re a bit of the first son, you may have said “No” to God in any number of ways:
➢ “No” to taking quiet time to pray
➢ “No” to regular worship
➢ “No” to caring for those in need
➢ “No” to the common good
➢ “No” to fidelity to my marriage or
➢ Taking the time to show my love for my children.
The space that our “no” produces allows us to be attentive to God’s grace always calling us to greater union with him.
If, on the other hand, you’re a bit of the second son on another day, that is, you’ve said “yes” with your mouth or in your thoughts, then where are the works that manifest your talk or express your thoughts?
From your seat, “just a little higher” than the seats of others, are you inclined to look down on anyone be they divorced and remarried Catholics, those who only attend Mass at Easter and Christmas, immigrants, or racial minorities?
What you don’t get is that before Jesus we’re all equal, all chosen, all redeemed.
CONCLUSION
With the positions of the two sons, we perhaps find ourselves experiencing any day either
➢ An angry defiant stance before God of “no” and reconsider to a “yes”, or
➢ We start out with good intentions and a hearty “yes” and then go astray living out a “no”
Whether we make a negative first response or we fail in our intentions, there is always a way back. Today’s reading gives us hope.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Weekly HOMILY for September 18, 2011: Dealing with Envy
25th Sunday in Ordinary Time, Cycle A
Terranuova Hermitage
September 18, 2011
Dealing with Envy
By (Rev. Msgr.) Nicholas P. Amato
THE PARABLE
There is a stinging line in today’s Gospel parable.
The owner of a vineyard hires workers to pick his grapes. He goes to the center of town where people who want to work hang out, and he hires some workers around 6 o’clock in the morning.
Then the owner goes back there at 9:00am, at noontime, at 3:00pm and even at 5:00pm, and each time he hires more workers. He has a lot of grapes that are ripe and need to be picked that day.
Now it’s starting to get dark. The workday is over and it’s time to pay the workers.
In those days, they don’t pay every two weeks or once a month. And they don’t use direct, electronic deposit into your checking account.
They pay in cash at the end of each day. And here comes the trouble.
First, the vineyard owner pays in reverse order – those hired last, first, and those hired first, last. And on top of that, he pays them all the same amount – the amount he had agreed to pay those hired at 6am.
Well, those workers really get upset with the owner. And it is to them that the owner speaks this stinging question: “Are you envious because I am generous?”
ENVY
What’s important to note here is that if these workers who were hired earlier would not know what the later hires get paid, there would be no problem.
But they do know and that is why they are upset. They are envious of the other workers.
They compare themselves and the amount of their work and their pay with the others and they are really bent out of shape. Now, Jesus is not teaching anything here about management practices or wage and salary scales.
That’s not the point. He is teaching an important personal lesson to each one of us.
He is teaching that we can be envious. We can feel discontented and resentful when we compare ourselves and what we have with others.
This is the core of envy – comparing. Comparing ourselves with others is the seedbed of envy.
COMPARE AND DESPAIR
One of our Catholic spiritual writers today talks about envy.
He gives this simple, pointed saying: “Compare and despair.” “Compare and despair.”
Humanly speaking, we are easily tempted to compare our life and lifestyle with others. The problem is that when we do this, we can so easily feel down about ourselves and resentful of others.
“Compare and despair.” This is envy.
When we compare, we often minimize our own gifts and maximize the gifts of others. We easily minimize or overlook our academic, athletic, musical, or leadership ability.
We easily maximize or overstate the same gifts in others. “Compare and despair” – it’s the root of envy.
And when we compare, we often maximize our problems and minimize those of others. We maximize or overstate the struggles in our family or our financial challenges and on and on it goes.
We easily minimize or overlook the very same realities in others. “Compare and despair” – it’s the root of envy.
AVOIDING ENVY
So, how do we avoid envy? How do we avoid “comparing and despairing”? What does Jesus want us to do?
I see three important practices.
First, stay glued to the Gospels. These are to be the core of our personal and spiritual formation.
The Gospels consistently show that God loves each one of us equally and personally. The vineyard owner in today’s parable is conveying this wonderful truth in the way he pays all the workers.
Second, in a good way, we need to keep focused on ourselves. Each day we need to look at what we positively have – this day of life, family members, a friend, our computer skill, or sense of humor, the basics of food and shelter that we easily take for granted.
It is so easy to overlook who we are and what we have. It is easy to miss God’s gifts because everything is, in truth, a gift from God.
And third, each day we need to thank God. We need to thank God for one thing, and something specific.
This positive gratitude to God will leave little room for the negative envy of others. In a nutshell, be thankful every day.
CONCLUSION
So, a potentially stinging question from a vineyard owner.
“Are you envious because I am generous?” A simple question put to us with a powerful lesson.
Terranuova Hermitage
September 18, 2011
Dealing with Envy
By (Rev. Msgr.) Nicholas P. Amato
THE PARABLE
There is a stinging line in today’s Gospel parable.
The owner of a vineyard hires workers to pick his grapes. He goes to the center of town where people who want to work hang out, and he hires some workers around 6 o’clock in the morning.
Then the owner goes back there at 9:00am, at noontime, at 3:00pm and even at 5:00pm, and each time he hires more workers. He has a lot of grapes that are ripe and need to be picked that day.
Now it’s starting to get dark. The workday is over and it’s time to pay the workers.
In those days, they don’t pay every two weeks or once a month. And they don’t use direct, electronic deposit into your checking account.
They pay in cash at the end of each day. And here comes the trouble.
First, the vineyard owner pays in reverse order – those hired last, first, and those hired first, last. And on top of that, he pays them all the same amount – the amount he had agreed to pay those hired at 6am.
Well, those workers really get upset with the owner. And it is to them that the owner speaks this stinging question: “Are you envious because I am generous?”
ENVY
What’s important to note here is that if these workers who were hired earlier would not know what the later hires get paid, there would be no problem.
But they do know and that is why they are upset. They are envious of the other workers.
They compare themselves and the amount of their work and their pay with the others and they are really bent out of shape. Now, Jesus is not teaching anything here about management practices or wage and salary scales.
That’s not the point. He is teaching an important personal lesson to each one of us.
He is teaching that we can be envious. We can feel discontented and resentful when we compare ourselves and what we have with others.
This is the core of envy – comparing. Comparing ourselves with others is the seedbed of envy.
COMPARE AND DESPAIR
One of our Catholic spiritual writers today talks about envy.
He gives this simple, pointed saying: “Compare and despair.” “Compare and despair.”
Humanly speaking, we are easily tempted to compare our life and lifestyle with others. The problem is that when we do this, we can so easily feel down about ourselves and resentful of others.
“Compare and despair.” This is envy.
When we compare, we often minimize our own gifts and maximize the gifts of others. We easily minimize or overlook our academic, athletic, musical, or leadership ability.
We easily maximize or overstate the same gifts in others. “Compare and despair” – it’s the root of envy.
And when we compare, we often maximize our problems and minimize those of others. We maximize or overstate the struggles in our family or our financial challenges and on and on it goes.
We easily minimize or overlook the very same realities in others. “Compare and despair” – it’s the root of envy.
AVOIDING ENVY
So, how do we avoid envy? How do we avoid “comparing and despairing”? What does Jesus want us to do?
I see three important practices.
First, stay glued to the Gospels. These are to be the core of our personal and spiritual formation.
The Gospels consistently show that God loves each one of us equally and personally. The vineyard owner in today’s parable is conveying this wonderful truth in the way he pays all the workers.
Second, in a good way, we need to keep focused on ourselves. Each day we need to look at what we positively have – this day of life, family members, a friend, our computer skill, or sense of humor, the basics of food and shelter that we easily take for granted.
It is so easy to overlook who we are and what we have. It is easy to miss God’s gifts because everything is, in truth, a gift from God.
And third, each day we need to thank God. We need to thank God for one thing, and something specific.
This positive gratitude to God will leave little room for the negative envy of others. In a nutshell, be thankful every day.
CONCLUSION
So, a potentially stinging question from a vineyard owner.
“Are you envious because I am generous?” A simple question put to us with a powerful lesson.
Thursday, September 08, 2011
Weekly HOMILY for September 11, 2011: Father Nicholas did not preach this weekend
Father Nicholas did not preach this weekend.
Saturday, September 03, 2011
Weekly HOMILY for September4, 2011: Did He Hear Your Love?
23rd Sunday in Ordinary Time, Cycle A
Terranuova Hermitage
September 4, 2011
“Did He Hear Your Love?”
By (Rev. Msgr.) Nicholas P. Amato
A BOTTLE OF BOOZE
Recently, a father discovered a half-empty bottle of wine in his teenage son’s bedroom. The father reacted quickly, “How did this get here?” The son mumbled, “I don’t know.”
The father got angrier: “I’ll give you one minute to come up with a better answer than that.” The son: “It belongs to a friend of mine.”
The father: “Do you expect me to believe that?” Immediately the son walked out of the house and slammed the door behind him.
Things got worse, and eventually the father called the counselor at his son’s school. The counselor first asked the father why he was so concerned about the wine and he replied, “I don’t want him to get into trouble.”
The counselor then asked the father why he didn’t want his son to get into trouble. The father answered that he didn’t want his son to get into legal trouble or to get addicted to alcohol and ruin his future.
Again, the counselor pushed the father about the reason for his concern. Finally, he responded, “I love my son and I want the best for him.”
And to that the counselor asked, “Do you think that your son got that message?” And the father sadly replied, “I see what you mean.”
SCRIPTURE
That incident helps us to appreciate today’s Scripture readings.
The passages call us to address situations where someone is doing something that is wrong, harmful or that is personally offensive. The Scriptures give three helpful principles to guide us.
THREE PRINCIPLES
First, we need to make sure our motives for responding are pure. We need to be careful that we are not trying to put others down or get back at them.
Our motive needs to be either the well-being of the other person, like that father for his son, or reconciliation with the other person, like talking with your spouse about something that is bothering you in the relationship. As Saint Paul says today, we need to be grounded in love.
So, in our approach, we need to ask more than accuse, to speak quietly rather than loudly, and to seek agreement rather than argument. Again, that’s all to say that we need to be pure in our motives.
Second, we need to begin by trying to work things out one-on-one. This is the most respectful and least confrontational way of proceeding, and it minimizes defensiveness in the other person.
If this does not work, then we can bring in third parties. Third parties can be family members, friends, a counselor, or a priest.
Alcoholics Anonymous advocates this method when one-on-one fails. They call it an intervention. But always, the goal must be pure: to respectfully persuade the other person that he or she is going in the wrong direction or to help reconcile two people.
And the third principle is that we never give up on another person. In the Gospel, Jesus says that if a person will not listen to a third party, then “treat them as you would a tax collector or gentile.”
Here the Gospel means that we should do what Jesus does with the tax collectors or gentiles. And what does he do?
Jesus does not exclude or excommunicate or refuse to have anything to do with them. On the contrary, he makes a point of hanging out with them, giving his time to them, and even having dinner with them.
Now, no question, that with children and youth, we need to provide direction and rules. And no question, in case of some type of abuse or things like that, with adults we have to protect ourselves or others.
But in general, the direction that the Gospel gives is to respect freedom and allow space for the other person to have a change of heart. Our goal is inclusion and growth, not exclusion and put-downs.
CONCLUSION
So, the Scripture gives us some practical principles about how to proceed in these real-life situations. To some extent, the suggestions are common sense.
They are also verified and confirmed by contemporary psychology. But we can easily forget them and I hope going over them as coming from the mouth of Jesus will make a difference in how we handle similar situations.
Terranuova Hermitage
September 4, 2011
“Did He Hear Your Love?”
By (Rev. Msgr.) Nicholas P. Amato
A BOTTLE OF BOOZE
Recently, a father discovered a half-empty bottle of wine in his teenage son’s bedroom. The father reacted quickly, “How did this get here?” The son mumbled, “I don’t know.”
The father got angrier: “I’ll give you one minute to come up with a better answer than that.” The son: “It belongs to a friend of mine.”
The father: “Do you expect me to believe that?” Immediately the son walked out of the house and slammed the door behind him.
Things got worse, and eventually the father called the counselor at his son’s school. The counselor first asked the father why he was so concerned about the wine and he replied, “I don’t want him to get into trouble.”
The counselor then asked the father why he didn’t want his son to get into trouble. The father answered that he didn’t want his son to get into legal trouble or to get addicted to alcohol and ruin his future.
Again, the counselor pushed the father about the reason for his concern. Finally, he responded, “I love my son and I want the best for him.”
And to that the counselor asked, “Do you think that your son got that message?” And the father sadly replied, “I see what you mean.”
SCRIPTURE
That incident helps us to appreciate today’s Scripture readings.
The passages call us to address situations where someone is doing something that is wrong, harmful or that is personally offensive. The Scriptures give three helpful principles to guide us.
THREE PRINCIPLES
First, we need to make sure our motives for responding are pure. We need to be careful that we are not trying to put others down or get back at them.
Our motive needs to be either the well-being of the other person, like that father for his son, or reconciliation with the other person, like talking with your spouse about something that is bothering you in the relationship. As Saint Paul says today, we need to be grounded in love.
So, in our approach, we need to ask more than accuse, to speak quietly rather than loudly, and to seek agreement rather than argument. Again, that’s all to say that we need to be pure in our motives.
Second, we need to begin by trying to work things out one-on-one. This is the most respectful and least confrontational way of proceeding, and it minimizes defensiveness in the other person.
If this does not work, then we can bring in third parties. Third parties can be family members, friends, a counselor, or a priest.
Alcoholics Anonymous advocates this method when one-on-one fails. They call it an intervention. But always, the goal must be pure: to respectfully persuade the other person that he or she is going in the wrong direction or to help reconcile two people.
And the third principle is that we never give up on another person. In the Gospel, Jesus says that if a person will not listen to a third party, then “treat them as you would a tax collector or gentile.”
Here the Gospel means that we should do what Jesus does with the tax collectors or gentiles. And what does he do?
Jesus does not exclude or excommunicate or refuse to have anything to do with them. On the contrary, he makes a point of hanging out with them, giving his time to them, and even having dinner with them.
Now, no question, that with children and youth, we need to provide direction and rules. And no question, in case of some type of abuse or things like that, with adults we have to protect ourselves or others.
But in general, the direction that the Gospel gives is to respect freedom and allow space for the other person to have a change of heart. Our goal is inclusion and growth, not exclusion and put-downs.
CONCLUSION
So, the Scripture gives us some practical principles about how to proceed in these real-life situations. To some extent, the suggestions are common sense.
They are also verified and confirmed by contemporary psychology. But we can easily forget them and I hope going over them as coming from the mouth of Jesus will make a difference in how we handle similar situations.
Thursday, September 01, 2011
Weekly HOMILY for August 28, 2011: Did He Hear Your Love?
23rd Sunday in Ordinary Time, Cycle A
Terranuova Hermitage
September 4, 2011
“Did He Hear Your Love?”
By (Rev. Msgr.) Nicholas P. Amato
A BOTTLE OF BOOZE
Recently, a father discovered a half-empty bottle of wine in his teenage son’s bedroom. The father reacted quickly, “How did this get here?” The son mumbled, “I don’t know.”
The father got angrier: “I’ll give you one minute to come up with a better answer than that.” The son: “It belongs to a friend of mine.”
The father: “Do you expect me to believe that?” Immediately the son walked out of the house and slammed the door behind him.
Things got worse, and eventually the father called the counselor at his son’s school. The counselor first asked the father why he was so concerned about the wine and he replied, “I don’t want him to get into trouble.”
The counselor then asked the father why he didn’t want his son to get into trouble. The father answered that he didn’t want his son to get into legal trouble or to get addicted to alcohol and ruin his future.
Again, the counselor pushed the father about the reason for his concern. Finally, he responded, “I love my son and I want the best for him.”
And to that the counselor asked, “Do you think that your son got that message?” And the father sadly replied, “I see what you mean.”
SCRIPTURE
That incident helps us to appreciate today’s Scripture readings.
The passages call us to address situations where someone is doing something that is wrong, harmful or that is personally offensive. The Scriptures give three helpful principles to guide us.
THREE PRINCIPLES
FIRST, we need to make sure our motives for responding are pure. We need to be careful that we are not trying to put others down or get back at them.
Our motive needs to be either the well-being of the other person, like that father for his son, or reconciliation with the other person, like talking with your spouse about something that is bothering you in the relationship. As Saint Paul says today, we need to be grounded in love.
So, in our approach, we need to ask more than accuse, to speak quietly rather than loudly, and to seek agreement rather than argument. Again, that’s all to say that we need to be pure in our motives.
SECOND, we need to begin by trying to work things out one-on-one. This is the most respectful and least confrontational way of proceeding, and it minimizes defensiveness in the other person.
If this does not work, then we can bring in third parties. Third parties can be family members, friends, a counselor, or a priest.
Alcoholics Anonymous advocates this method when one-on-one fails. They call it an intervention. But always, the goal must be pure: to respectfully persuade the other person that he or she is going in the wrong direction or to help reconcile two people.
And the THIRD principle is that we never give up on another person. In the Gospel, Jesus says that if a person will not listen to a third party, then “treat them as you would a tax collector or gentile.”
Here the Gospel means that we should do what Jesus does with the tax collectors or gentiles. And what does he do?
Jesus does not exclude or excommunicate or refuse to have anything to do with them. On the contrary, he makes a point of hanging out with them, giving his time to them, and even having dinner with them.
Now, no question, that with children and youth, we need to provide direction and rules. And no question, in case of some type of abuse or things like that, with adults we have to protect ourselves or others.
But in general, the direction that the Gospel gives is to respect freedom and allow space for the other person to have a change of heart. Our goal is inclusion and growth, not exclusion and put-downs.
CONCLUSION
So, the Scripture gives us some practical principles about how to proceed in these real-life situations. To some extent, the suggestions are common sense.
They are also verified and confirmed by contemporary psychology. But we can easily forget them and I hope going over them as coming from the mouth of Jesus will make a difference in how we handle similar situations.
Terranuova Hermitage
September 4, 2011
“Did He Hear Your Love?”
By (Rev. Msgr.) Nicholas P. Amato
A BOTTLE OF BOOZE
Recently, a father discovered a half-empty bottle of wine in his teenage son’s bedroom. The father reacted quickly, “How did this get here?” The son mumbled, “I don’t know.”
The father got angrier: “I’ll give you one minute to come up with a better answer than that.” The son: “It belongs to a friend of mine.”
The father: “Do you expect me to believe that?” Immediately the son walked out of the house and slammed the door behind him.
Things got worse, and eventually the father called the counselor at his son’s school. The counselor first asked the father why he was so concerned about the wine and he replied, “I don’t want him to get into trouble.”
The counselor then asked the father why he didn’t want his son to get into trouble. The father answered that he didn’t want his son to get into legal trouble or to get addicted to alcohol and ruin his future.
Again, the counselor pushed the father about the reason for his concern. Finally, he responded, “I love my son and I want the best for him.”
And to that the counselor asked, “Do you think that your son got that message?” And the father sadly replied, “I see what you mean.”
SCRIPTURE
That incident helps us to appreciate today’s Scripture readings.
The passages call us to address situations where someone is doing something that is wrong, harmful or that is personally offensive. The Scriptures give three helpful principles to guide us.
THREE PRINCIPLES
FIRST, we need to make sure our motives for responding are pure. We need to be careful that we are not trying to put others down or get back at them.
Our motive needs to be either the well-being of the other person, like that father for his son, or reconciliation with the other person, like talking with your spouse about something that is bothering you in the relationship. As Saint Paul says today, we need to be grounded in love.
So, in our approach, we need to ask more than accuse, to speak quietly rather than loudly, and to seek agreement rather than argument. Again, that’s all to say that we need to be pure in our motives.
SECOND, we need to begin by trying to work things out one-on-one. This is the most respectful and least confrontational way of proceeding, and it minimizes defensiveness in the other person.
If this does not work, then we can bring in third parties. Third parties can be family members, friends, a counselor, or a priest.
Alcoholics Anonymous advocates this method when one-on-one fails. They call it an intervention. But always, the goal must be pure: to respectfully persuade the other person that he or she is going in the wrong direction or to help reconcile two people.
And the THIRD principle is that we never give up on another person. In the Gospel, Jesus says that if a person will not listen to a third party, then “treat them as you would a tax collector or gentile.”
Here the Gospel means that we should do what Jesus does with the tax collectors or gentiles. And what does he do?
Jesus does not exclude or excommunicate or refuse to have anything to do with them. On the contrary, he makes a point of hanging out with them, giving his time to them, and even having dinner with them.
Now, no question, that with children and youth, we need to provide direction and rules. And no question, in case of some type of abuse or things like that, with adults we have to protect ourselves or others.
But in general, the direction that the Gospel gives is to respect freedom and allow space for the other person to have a change of heart. Our goal is inclusion and growth, not exclusion and put-downs.
CONCLUSION
So, the Scripture gives us some practical principles about how to proceed in these real-life situations. To some extent, the suggestions are common sense.
They are also verified and confirmed by contemporary psychology. But we can easily forget them and I hope going over them as coming from the mouth of Jesus will make a difference in how we handle similar situations.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
